“I did not have to explain why Sunday dinners matter so much. She already understood that a family can be both a comfort and a lot.”
Jocelyn M.Eldest daughter
Threads between generations, held with care.
Therapy for adults in Filipino American families: the ones who carry the household, the first to ask for help, and the ones living between two sets of expectations.
- Family expectations
- Two cultures, one home
- Caregiving
- Grief and distance
- Couples and in-laws
- Raising kids
- Language at home
- Being the provider
Who this practice is for
In the words people bring to the first session.
“I’m the one the whole family calls.”
“I want to say no without it sounding like I don’t love them.”
“At home, we don’t talk about this.”
“I send money home and still feel I owe more.”
“I’m raising my kids differently, and I’m not sure my parents understand.”
“My family says be strong. I would like to be heard.”
Respect for your family, and room for your own life.
I’m Marilou Dacanay, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Oregon. I work with adults who carry a family’s expectations alongside their own: the eldest daughter, the son who sends money home, the parent who wants to be understood by a grown child.
I don’t ask you to choose between your family and yourself. We look at what you owe, what you want and what each of those costs, at a pace you set. Sessions are in English. If a word in Tagalog says it better, bring it, and I will ask what it means to you.
I named the practice for the loom because a family is woven from many hands. Pull on one thread and the rest moves.
Licensed marriage and family therapist
Licensed in Oregon
Individual and couples sessions
In person in Portland or by video
50 min
Each sessionYour pace
How often we meetIn person
Or by video, in OregonIn writing
Your fee, before you start
What we work on
Sessions follow what you bring. These are the places we most often begin.
Family expectations
For adults caught between what the family asks and what they can give. Sessions look at the role you were handed, what you owe and what you want, and how to say so in a way your family can hear.
The role you were given
Saying no with respect
Boundaries that keep the relationship
Between two cultures
For people who grew up with one set of customs at home and another outside it. We talk about language, belonging and the parts of yourself you keep apart.
Language and accent
Your home self and your work self
What you want to keep and pass on
Grief, distance and caregiving
For losing someone, missing someone far away, or caring for a parent. Sessions make room for grief that has had no place to go, and for the daily weight of caregiving.
Mourning a parent or relative
Family far away
Caring for aging parents
Couples and in-laws
For partners whose two families both have a say. Sessions with your partner look at how each of you learned to handle money, duty and conflict.
Money and family duty
In-laws and holidays
Two ways of arguing
Parenting across generations
For parents who want to raise their children on purpose, the same way or differently. I work with the parents, not with children.
What you want to keep
What you want to change
Talking with your own parents
How we begin
A clear way in, with your fee in writing before you start.
- 01
Step 1: You write to me
Use the form or call. Your name and how to reach you are enough, and please leave out medical details. I reply on business days.
- 02
Step 2: Your first session
Fifty minutes. We talk about what you hope for and what is on your mind. I explain how sessions work, what stays private and where its limits are, and how fees work.
- 03
Step 3: We set a pace
We agree how often to meet, and we change it when your life does. You decide what we spend time on.
- 04
Step 4: Carrying it forward
Sessions can space out or stop when you are ready. If you want to come back later, the door is open.
In their words
What people say about the room and the pace.
“I had never talked to anyone outside the family about any of this. It was easier than I feared, and I never felt rushed.”
Edwin T.Father of two
“I could say what I actually think about my family without being told I was ungrateful.”
Rhea D.Nurse
“Some of my words are in Tagalog. She asked what they meant to me instead of skipping past them.”
Gemma V.Caring for her mother
“We each got to say how our families do things. Nobody had to be the one in the wrong.”
Joel S.Couples sessions
Sample reviews.
Ready to start?
Write to me and I will reply on business days. Your fee is given to you in writing before your first session.
Write to me
Reaching out is often the hardest part. Tell me how to reach you, and we will take it from there.
Phone(503) 555-0113
Hours
- Monday – ThursdayToday
- 9 a.m. – 6 p.m.
- Friday – SundayToday
- Closed